Modern Girls and Modern Rock and Roll

This is a story that should start in Boston.  Instead it starts in my own personal Boston.  Which, as it happens, is Indianapolis.Indianapolis in the 1980s was a fruitful time to be a punk-rock adolescent—in other words, it afforded ample opportunities to feel disadvantaged, marginalized, persecuted or overlooked.  Which is really all any teenager, or certainly any punk-rock teenager, could ask for.Re: feeling persecuted.  I remember, around this time, there was a photocopied flyer advertising a concert featuring several terrible local punk bands.  Such shows happened regularly, and so these grainy black-and-white collages advertising them would appear on telephone poles bristling with old staples.  I don't remember which bands were on this particular flyer—except that one of them had to be the Mathbats, because in spite of all that was good and decent and tuneful there were always the Mathbats—but I do remember that in the corner it had a clipped and copied newspaper cartoon that showed a caricatured Reagan chasing after a fat grinning rodent, whapping it with a broom and scolding "Bad, bad, bad."  Whoever had thrown this flyer together had slapped a label on the grinning, fleeing animal: "PUNKS."  Observing, see, that punks were under relentless attack from the Reagan administration.To the keen-eyed onlooker there were several clues hinting that the cartoon was not originally designed to be about punk persecution.  There was the rough, crooked hand-lettered ad-hocness of the “PUNKS” label; there was the fact that the cartoon, probably scissored from a recent issue of the Indianapolis Star, was evidently drawn by Pat Oliphant, an established editorial cartoonist who didn't have a strong track record in documenting the oppression of punk rock youth.  There was also the fact that the rodent looked exactly like Yasser Arafat.  It was wearing a keffiyeh.  So either this was an authentic political cartoon in the style of Pat Oliphant depicting Reagan's consuming hatred of those pesky Arab headdress-wearing punk rockers, or one had to admit the likely validity of a competing possibility, which was that the altered cartoon had no actual purchase on reality and that if anything was keeping the leader of the free world awake at night—and we recognize now that probably nothing was—it was arguably more likely to be Gaddafi or Nicaragua or Pat Buchanan than pale teens in Descendants T-shirts[1].So maybe the feelings of persecution were imaginary.  But the sense of musical privation was, gloriously, more or less genuine.  This was pre-World Wide Web, obviously, and popular culture was still largely monolithic.  The popular local rock radio station divided its energies between playing as much Bob Seger as it could manage and barely tolerating our earnestly aggrieved phone calls asking why in the world they weren't playing any R.E.M.—had they heard it, had they listened, did they just forget that we called yesterday asking about playing some R.E.M.?[2]  Record stores were still the primary delivery system for music, and to get the good (i.e., obscurer) stuff your only outlet was Second Time Around in Broad Ripple, the vaguely dismal storefront outfit with narrow aisles and a funny smell.All of which was exactly the point, of course: the whole reason for listening to a band, for wearing a band's T-shirt to school, wasn't just to communicate, as with a hip dog whistle, with other people who recognized the band; it was equally important—or more so—to not communicate with the people who didn't recognize the band.  Blank stares, palpable lack of interest, and—if you really hit the jackpot—open hostility were the overarching goals.  The seminal role model was Nicolas Cage's character in Valley Girl, who got beaten up by preppies for the effrontery of being a punker at a non-punk party.  To be beaten up thus would be a benediction, an apotheosis, a consummation devoutly to be wished.  As a ninth-grader I would dutifully attend parties thrown by my peers, often bringing with me music cassettes at the behest of the girl hosting the party, who, knowing that I was into music, had beseeched me in the hallway at school to bring along some tapes.  I arrived, tapes in hand, eagerly anticipating the moment when either the music I was playing or my subtly perceptible otherness would get me beaten up by some of the polo-shirted guys in my age group.  "Whoa, he's playing Talking Heads!  What does he think this is, CBGB's?  Let's punch his face, fellas."  Then perhaps a girl, any girl, could attend to my artfully arranged bruises, etc.  The way these sorts of things played out was all pretty standard, or so I was given to understand.It never happened, alas.  The guys I knew were, regardless of whether they liked me or not[3], basically nice; they were disinclined to beat people up.  Apparently they were disinclined to beat me up, at any rate, however acutely I may have hoped for such a thing.  All that would happen instead is that my cassettes would be ejected stealthily and repeatedly from the stereo tape deck.  Because, for some reason, midwestern fourteen-year-olds didn't urgently want to groove to the Replacements' "We're Coming Out" at their parties.  Frequently it was the very girl who'd urged me to bring tapes who also wound up politely but firmly removing those tapes from the sound system and stacking them haphazard and forlorn on top of the tuner in the raggedy-looking plastic Kroger grocery bag I’d brought them in.  She'd known I was into music but had only assumed, foolishly in retrospect, that I was into good music; that illusion shattered, she endeavored to shield the party from the ordeal of listening to my tunes while also, endearingly, protecting my feelings.  In some cases it's entirely possible that the very act of asking me to bring music was, from the outset, an act of charity or of meaningless hospitality or even of open flirtation—how would I know; I was too preoccupied with deciding whether the kids at the party would rather hear the Alarm before or after XTC to notice whether an actual girl might be mildly interested in me.  At any rate, some version of this scenario happened over and over again, but no beatings ever ensued.  Neither did any kissing, and that probably would have been almost as good.The whole thing, obviously, was fraught with contradictions.  I wanted my peers to admire and adore me for my music, but only nearly as much as I wanted them to despise me for it.  The latter desire was almost entirely a theoretical one; collectively and on a very generalized level I may have derided mass culture but, individually, I didn’t really hold my age-appropriate acquaintances in sufficient contempt to derive substantial self-worth from their hating me for my aesthetic choices.  The longing to be loved for my taste, by contrast, was steeped in day-to-day pragmatism; enjoying the esteem of one’s peers not only was personally gratifying but, in general and certainly between grades 8 and 11, constituted a valuable currency.  Being loved was palpable and irresistible and it concretely made daily life easier.  Precisely because of those things, though I wanted to be liked, being scorned seemed like the more credible and admirable desire.  It was definitely the more punk-rock desire.Similarly, though I spent many a Sunday night in the ninth grade sitting at home watching “I.R.S. Records Presents the Cutting Edge” on MTV, wallowing in self-pity because I didn’t have a girlfriend in the abstract, I was too distracted to notice whether any of the girls I knew were arranging to present themselves to me as possible girlfriends in reality.  (It’s entirely likely that none of them were, but still.)  The tension between the abstract and the concrete, between the seduction of theory and the undertow of reality, is a familiar one in the human experience—particularly for humans who grow up saturated in the relentlessly self-reinforcing narratives of popular culture, and even more particularly for the further subset of those humans who also embrace the appealing rebellious patina of alternative culture—and it also would prove to be an animating dialectic in the lyrics of a certain Jonathan Richman.  But I didn’t know anything about that yet.Anyway: the youthful thrill of iconoclasm, of deriving self-worth from not-belonging, of embracing that which others not only don’t like but—even better—don’t even know exists, can over time pay diminishing returns: like so many drugs, it gets harder and harder to enjoy a satisfying high off the same old dose.  By liking New Order and Husker Du, by going to see R.E.M. and the Replacements in concert, I defined myself against a mainstream, which was gratifying—but then there was this whole other, not insubstantial group of people who were into the same stuff I was.  Much to my surprise, I arrived at the Violent Femmes show with a couple of friends and discovered that half my chemistry class was there—which on one hand was pleasing, and it subsequently gave me a valuable in with those quiet kids with the funny haircuts in the back row who had otherwise been so intimidating with their self-assured soft-spoken I-don’t-know-how-to-measure-precipitate-in-the-lab outsider coolness.  But if difference is the kick, then just how different can you be if all these other people are different in exactly the same way?  I was already trying to stake out my own little corner of alternative culture by not, for instance, piercing anything or dyeing anything or getting a mohawk—which is really just another way of saying that deep down I really didn’t want to pierce anything or dye anything or get a mohawk, and my parents probably wouldn’t have let me anyway—but that strategy paid out limited dividends.  It lent me a distinctive identity among the punkers, when I hung out with the punkers, which I didn’t often, but that only went so far: I wasn’t even the only one on the scene who didn’t adopt these outré external markers (ergo, I probably wasn’t the only one who was cowed by his parents).What I really needed, then, was a different artist, a band I could love and embrace who wasn’t like these other bands, someone even these other midwestern alternative-music kids didn’t know much about, someone whose sound and aesthetic and lyrical outlook was sharply at odds with the stuff they listened to, but without being, you know, sucky.  Someone who was an alternative to the alternative; someone who rebelled against rebelliousness, who embraced some of the notions and values punk rejected, but did it knowingly, did it by diving in and coming out on the other side of punk and landing in a whole different place.Enter Jonathan.



[1] At the first concert I ever attended as a youth in Indianapolis, the Violent Femmes' Gordon Gano yelled out, apropos of nothing, "Who's the biggest asshole in the country?"  And instantly, as with one voice, this roomful of overprivileged white kids, none of whom had probably ever seen a Laffer curve, hollered "Ronald Reagan!"  So maybe the conviction that Reagan was consumed with a hostile obsession with suburban punks was really just a case of wishful projection.
[2] That we coalesced as a group, without coordination, behind Murmur-era R.E.M. as the best tool to break down the resistance of album-oriented Q95 seems, in retrospect, quixotic: hey, these lyrics are cryptic, the production is cavernous and there are no solos or power chords—let's get them to put this in rotation between Little Feat and George Thorogood!
[3] And as one rereads this account, one must at least entertain the question: why would they?

The Tyranny of Taste

I recently started watching the TV show The L.A. Complex.  I wasn't actually expecting it to be good, but I was running low on DVR'd shows that my wife didn't want to watch, things I could bust out while folding laundry or paying bills, and it had an actor in it from Firefly, and I liked Firefly, so I set the DVR to start picking it up.

And the weirdest thing happened:I totally enjoyed it.

It's a total Melrose Place upgrade, with added points for realism because all the apartment complex residents are bottom-of-the-barrel entertainment-industry wannabes who are struggling to pay the rent, and because there are always people in the central swimming pool; and subtracted points for realism because it's cast with Canadian actors and mostly shot in Canada, to such a degree that it's really really obvious when they make a trip south to L.A. for location shooting.

I actually found myself looking forward to the next episode.  What's going to happen to the self-loathing closeted gay rapper?  I hope the haplessly sexy Abby gets cast on that thinly veiled Seventh Heaven show run by that spiritual despot played by Alan Thicke -- such delightful complications may well ensue!

Yeah, there were missteps -- it's an evening soap, after all; it chews through a lot of story, not everything's going to be a bullseye.  The self-loathing closeted gay rapper got a lot less interesting when he started spending more time thinking more about his estranged father and less time on his self-loathing.  And that Seventh Heaven storyline got way awesome -- the actors playing the squeaky-clean onscreen brother and sister are secret offscreen lovers!  And they invited Abby to join them in a threesome!  Which she did, but for terrible terrible reasons! -- just before it fizzled out in a spectacular anticlimax.  But I'm okay with that.  A show's gonna stumble.  It's not like it's a grotesque crime against narrative like Hell On Wheels.  I still kept coming back for the characters and the sense of humor and the knowing tweaks of measured outrageousness.  Plus, the guy playing the rapper is a terrific actor.  And so is Jewel Staite, the actor I followed here from Firefly; she's fantastic and subtle and funny and kind of heartbreaking.

But still, I doubted myself.  No one else I knew was paying any attention to this show.  So it's probably not that great.  I'm just aesthetically confused.  It's hit some kind of a soft spot in my brain.  I'm probably just partial to it because I'm interested in this representation of the entertainment industry, especially the trajectory of the would-be comedy writer (who is, as cast and played, the least likely successful comedy writer ever, insofar as there's no evidence that he's ever done or said or written anything funny).  I think this show is good, but I am probably wrong.  (I've been wrong before.  I walked out of Good Will Hunting convinced it was a terrific picture; I only later realized it was an intermittently entertaining trifle made loathsome by its lazy reliance on tear-soaked epiphanies about buried psychodramas.  Also, when I was younger, there was about a month and a half when I thought Mermaids was really good.  Yeah, with Cher and Winona Ryder.  They dance in the kitchen to the frigging radio.  I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.)

Then I started coming across (okay, fine -- seeking out) kudos for the show from credible mainstream critical outlets: the New Yorker, Entertainment Weekly, the A.V. Club.  It's not like the show was being posthumously endorsed by Pauline Kael or Lester Bangs, but still: the very fact that there were other humans out there with eyes and brains validating this show managed, in turn, to validate my opinion of it.  My nagging aesthetic self-doubt vanished.  (Just in time, probably, for the show to get cancelled.)

This was in some ways the opposite of my response to the tremendous movie Beasts of the Southern Wild.  By the time it was over I was convinced I'd seen something extraordinary; I didn't require any outside ratification.  Indeed, I found myself, after the fact, deliberately avoiding positive reviews of the movie -- at best, I thought, such reviews would be boring; at worst, they'd be irritating, liking the movie for all the wrong reasons.  Instead, in this case I found myself seeking out bad reviews of the film -- that was the outlook I wanted to engage with.  They're in the minority, but they are out there, and they're impassioned, and they mostly make the same point: Beasts of the Southern Wild romanticizes poverty and engages in fallacious noble-savage mythmaking.  It was comforting to me to encounter these opinions, recognize why people held them, and also to recognize that they were, pretty clearly, completely wrong.

(In short: there's nothing about the chaos, peril and squalor of life in the Bathtub that is depicted as remotely attractive, nor are the adults of the community presented as even minimally functional, nor is Wink's unreliable parenting style validated.  Civilization is depicted as clueless and sterile and bureaucratic, true, but the protagonists' aversion to the amenities civilization has to offer is pretty clearly shortsighted and superstitious.  The closest the film comes to risking succumbing to the noble-savage criticism is when the community encouraged Hushpuppy to eat her shellfish with messy brutality, chanting "Beast it!  Beast it!"  But overall, it's a fantasy-world narrative about a cadre of young girls who take the torch from their hapless elders to lead the community into what is probably going to be a very different future; it's not award-baiting poverty porn along the lines of Winter's Bone.)

Anyway.I frequently have the experience -- often with plays and also with movies -- of seeing something that everyone else loves and being convinced that it's just not very good.  Opinions differ, of course; that's how they work.  But a matter of personal taste is something you're so close to -- it's so inseparable from your selfhood -- that to you it takes on the solidity of certitude.  It's the beam in your eye.  It might as well be empirical fact.  Which is why it's so flabbergasting every time respectable people endorse a work of art that is so clearly subpar.  That's my typical reaction: what is wrong with them?

That's how it usually works with me, and taste, anyway.  Which is maybe why these experiences were so striking: unironically enjoying The L.A. Complex and being convinced I must be getting it wrong; adoring Beasts of the Southern Wild and seeking out the scattered voices who didn't, the better to shore up my own enthusiasm.

Or maybe it's just that I don't like things that often anymore, and it's a disorienting sensation when I do.

Or maybe I'm just skittish, afraid of getting burned by another Mermaids.

Insane in the Meme Bain

The time: the year 2000.  The place: a guy’s office.  He places a phone call.  Someone answers:MITT:  Good morning, Bain Capital.GUY: Hi there.  I was calling to speak with the CEO?MITT:  This is the CEO.GUY:  Terrific.  So look: I’m just calling because I’m working on a project and I was hoping to get some numbers...MITT:  Let me stop you right there ‘cause I’d hate to waste your time.  For answers like that I’m afraid you’d need to talk to the CEO.GUY:  I--.  Oh.  Sorry, I--.  But aren’t you the CEO?MITT:  Me?  Oh ho ho ho.  Goodness, no.  No, no.  Wouldn’t that be something, though.GUY:  O--kay, but... didn’t you just say that you were the...?MITT:  Did I?  No.  I don’t think so.  No, I didn’t say that.  Almost certainly not.GUY:  Okay, then, could I please speak with the CEO?MITT:  Speaking!GUY:  So... you are the CEO?MITT:  Yessir.  Last time I checked, yep.GUY:  ...Okay, then, I was wondering if I...MITT:  Oops, hang on, just checked again -- nope.  Uh-uh.  Definitely not the CEO.  Sorry about that.GUY:  You’re not the CEO.MITT:  Not even a little bit.GUY:  Tell you what -- could I talk to the president of Bain instead?MITT:  Absolutely.  Terrific guy, you’ll love him.  Let me transfer you.GUY:  Thank you.Beeps, clicks, ringing.  Then:MITT:  Hello, Bain Capital!GUY:  ...Aren’t you... the guy I... was just talking to?MITT:  Am I?  Hard to say!GUY:  And you’re -- president of Bain Capital?MITT:  President?  Oh gosh no.  I’m just the lowly CEO.GUY:  So you are the CEO.MITT:  Absolutely.GUY:  You’re sure?MITT:  Positive.GUY:  -- Seriously, you’re sure?MITT:  My friend, I think I know who I am, gosh.GUY:  Okay, so as the CEO...MITT:  President.GUY:  Sorry?MITT:  President.GUY:  Not CEO.MITT:  Don’t think so.GUY:  Can’t you be both?MITT:  You tell me.  Can light be both a particle and a wave?GUY:  -- Can’t it?MITT:  I’m asking you.  Gee, I’m no scientist.  I’m just a simple CEO.GUY:  You are the CEO!MITT:  Or president, whatever.GUY:  Different approach, here.  Could I just talk to a managing member of Bain Capital Investors?MITT:  Speaking!GUY:  -- Or someone else entirely, maybe?MITT:  You bet, friend.  Let me just transfer you.Beeps, clicks.MITT:  Hello, Bain Capital!GUY:  Look, I just wanted to talk to the CEO...MITT:  I’m afraid if you want to talk to him I’m going to have to transfer you back to myself.GUY:  So you are the CEO!!MITT:  I was.  I just retroactively resigned.GUY:  Retroactive to when?MITT:  To the beginning of this phone conversation.  Paperwork just went through.GUY:  So this conversation never even happened?MITT:  Oh, it happened.  Silly.  But you had it with someone else entirely.GUY:  Who’d I have it with?MITT:  Beats me, fella!  I wasn’t here!GUY:  So you’re the CEO of Bain Capital.MITT:  Yes.  Absolutely not.GUY:  And instead you’re the president.MITT:  Yes.  I was. Until you asked that question.  Now not so much.GUY:  And -- who am I?MITT:  I don’t know.BOTH:  Third base!Fin.

Playwriting Tips and Handy Hints

* Writing stage directions that can't be staged is sooo five minutes ago.  What are all the cool kids doing now?  Stage directions that can't even be written.  Go!* Parenthetical adverbs attached to your dialogue is a bad idea because it tells actors there's only one acceptable way to say the line.  Leave them out.  There's still only one acceptable way to say the line, of course, but now the actor doesn't know what it is.  Their destabilization shifts the power dynamic in your favor.  Which is to say: now you'll have something to silently resent the actors for when they get it wrong.  And we treasure our silent resentments.* Silences tell you story.  They also make it easier to get to eighty pages, especially if you signify silences with lots of hard returns.* Beckett envied composers because music was never condemned to explicitness.  So slip the bonds of explicitness.  Write without nouns.* Talkback, shmalkback: an audience's reactions during a reading tell you everything you need to know about a play.  Watch for subtle nonverbal cues like: sleeping, eye-rolling, watch-checking, leaving, seizures, projectiles.* You may dread the fate of being developed to death.  But there are worse things.  Like being flayed, for instance.  Or tickled.  Perspective!* Base your work on people you know.  It's soooo much easier than making stuff up.  Plus: the fewer friends you have, the more time you have to write.  Win/win.* Artistic directors and literary managers just don't read new scripts any more.  Save your time and money and just send your plays to the people you know will probably look at them.  You've got your mom's address; use it.* When a theater politely passes on your script, they very much want to hear about your resulting feelings of hostility and despair.  They went into the theater.  They love drama.  Give it to them.  Everybody wins.* Write every day.  No writing time is wasted.  Unless you write something bad.  In which case, yeah, you probably should've done the laundry or spent time with your kids or something. 

Why I'm a Playwright

When ACCIDENTAL RAPTURE was produced by the 16th Street Theater they asked me to write something. I tried to explain to them: I'd already written something! What was I, a machine? But anyway, this is what I wrote:People often ask me why I’m a playwright. That’s not true. People often ask me to move my car. Apparently I’m not supposed to park there. Frankly I’d prefer it if they were asking me why I were a playwright. If they did—if they asked me why I’m a playwright, and honestly I don’t know why more people don’t ask me that, it’s really pretty fascinating stuff—I’d probably say something about the vibrant immediacy and political vitality of live theater, about the collaborative dynamic, about how Tom Stoppard said writing dialogue is a respectable way to argue with oneself in public. Some stuff like that. Only I’d make it sound good; I work with words for my job thing, after all.Really, though, it’s about the white space. I’ve done other kinds of writing, and most of them require so many words. You have to fill almost every inch of your blank page with the things. Like poetry, playwriting can occupy obscenely vast expanses of pages’ real estate with remarkably few words. Playwriting is a wasteful landowner of a genre, looking smugly over its sprawling and underpopulated Beckettian vistas, reveling in the pleasure of having so much more room to stretch out in than over in those Dostoevskian tenements where words huddle crammed together, sometimes as many as fifteen or twenty to a line.Too much? Yeah, I’ll probably fix it when I revise this. I’m a writer, after all, and revision is one of the tools we have for to make the words more better.Point is: what do writers in other outlets use to fill all that white space? Everything: what the characters are wearing, what their surroundings look like, what they’re thinking and feeling, how and when they move, what they ate that morning. Playwrights, unless they’re Eugene O’Neill (and who is, nowadays?), don’t care about that stuff, because playwrights have other people around who care about that stuff for them: designers, directors, actors. It sounds like I’m lazy. And indeed I am. I really don’t want to have to move my car. But also: every time a play is produced, the playwright has the pleasure of seeing how all these other people have helped to fill in that white space, with the result being a play that’s not really at all like any of the plays this script has been before.